But is it?
When we find ourselves attached to something we feel we can’t live without and then it’s gone, what happens? What do we do? How do we continue to function?
Not going to lie to you .. I am attached to my phone!
I have everything on my phone .. everything. It contains my life and in an instant, it was gone. I realize this is not the same as having someone you love to leave but, stay with me, the analogy is still the same.
My 1st thought was WTF do I do? I was in a foreign country and had no plans of being stateside for quite a while.
So how is this similar to losing your heart? So many of us put everything we have into a relationship and when it fails we feel lost, vulnerable, unsure of our next step, scared to trust again, scared to open your heart again, and scared to feel the pain.
The critical thing to realize is that trust comes from within, not in the form of another person. When you trust someone else to do the right thing we are often disappointed.
Although I had turned my backpack around, I left my phone in the side pocket trusting it would be ok, and trusting that no one would take advantage. Yes, I know .. cute not so bright! 🥴
The signs were there yet I ignored them. How often are you in a relationship and ignore the signs? Thinking, trusting, things will change, somehow be different?
Let’s take a deeper dive into the word:
vul·ner·a·ble /ˈvəln(ə)rəb(ə)l/
adjective
susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm.
Vulnerability is about uncertainty and emotional exposure where you can be easily hurt. Our experiences with trauma have taught us that being vulnerable is a weakness and that being vulnerable is actually dangerous to our well-being. However, the barrier is our belief that being vulnerable is a bad thing and can only lead to heartache and pain. This belief is the barrier we must break through.
“The pain of emotional disconnection can lead people to hide their authentic feelings in an effort to protect themselves,” says psychologist Lee Land.
Brene Brown says, ‘Vulnerability is not a weakness, And that myth is profoundly dangerous … Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, joy, trust, intimacy, and courage. Everything that brings meaning to our life.’
This means getting comfortable with our emotions and our triggers. We allow people to take our vulnerability and fill us with doubt when we are not. Essentially we turn our entire life over to them. They are now in control of your emotions. And that … is painful.
Being vulnerable helps us ask for what we want and avoid shutting down or distancing ourselves from a partner/friend/family member/co-worker. It allows us to build trust in others and to become fully engaged in an intimate or close relationship. Being vulnerable allows us to open our heart — to give and receive love fully.
Ultimately — to love is to trust.
The lesson here: know that the only person you can trust is you.
Here are my top 3 tips in starting that journey to trusting YOU:
Start dealing with your ‘emotional baggage’ today, get in touch with your fears, and find ways to overcome them, accept them, or banish them forever! Fear, insecurity, and doubt are all illusions. They are not real. The only thing real is what you grab onto and make real. Your mind does not know the difference between a truth or a lie–only what you tell it. Change the narrative!
Understand your triggers. Triggers are a sneaky thing, but it is important to remember you control the narrative. We tend to direct the questions and pain outward to the person(s) who just hurt our feelings. But the answers are within you. Ask yourself the hard questions about the trigger: Why does this comment/situation cause me pain? Where does the pain come from (a particular age, situation, fear)? Is this true NOW? Guaranteed 100% of the time it isn’t, but we keep bringing the past into our present affecting our future. Ask yourself, what can I do today to overcome this feeling? And, above all, allow yourself grace to move through this phase.
Pay attention to your intuition, listen to your heart, show up and embrace uncertainty knowing that you can not control everything in your life. This is your chance to grow and let go of the constraints of your past, your trauma, and the pain that keeps you from trusting you! I have learned that my intuition is always right — always. I just had to let go of the perceived outcomes. When you finally believe that YOU are in complete control of your emotions your heart will guide you.
Once you can fully trust your instincts you will begin to attract the right people, move through life on your terms, and know when something goes ‘wrong’ you will be able to overcome and move on.
Allow yourself to be vulnerable and watch the magic happen!
It is said that when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change is when you will decide to take the journey of self-discovery. Finding your truth is not always easy, and can be painful, but I am here to tell you that the journey is well worth it.
When you are ready to take your journey I will be here to help you navigate it. Schedule an appointment today for a FREE discovery call and get started today to your most authentic you!